28/05/2009

A Quick Message to Guitar Center Credit Card Holders

Fox Detroit is running a contest to see which Detroit band knows a guy who can write a code to hack a broke ass web voting system.

The “winning” band gets to go to Rothbury and play a 40 min set on a small stage, a 15 minute set on the main stage, plus get free tickets to the event and a campsite pass (tent and poop bucket not included).  I really think they should send the hacker guy to ComicCon or something too, but whatevs… Rothbury’s way out in Novi or some shit so I’m not really that interested.

Here’s what does interest me.

There are 194 entries.

Let that soak in for a minute. 1-9-4.

Not only are there 194 bands that discovered a Fox Detroit contest — there are 194 bands that on some level think they could win this contest.

194!!

I like music.  I like Detroit.  I’m certainly not obsessively cataloging every band in the area, but I know quite a few.  There’s a whole bunch I’ve never seen, but have at least heard mentioned on a blog, in one of the free weeklies or just seen in the ubiquitous venue ads.  Like everyone else I’ve seen myspace, which someday will allow an American Studies student to write a kick ass thesis on basement bands — so I know there’s a bunch of people making music for themselves or their friends.

But I was still shocked.  I went through the entire list and recognized 16 names.  Of those, I’ve only seen about 6 and maybe heard a song from about 4 more.  The others, I only knew the name.

I know there are plenty of bars; particularly farther out in Macomb or Oakland counties (not to mention St Clair and Washtenaw) that have local bands that’d I’d never see or hear about.  There’s also whole genres like contemporary country that I am basically completely ignorant about and others like metal, where even if I’ve seen a band’s name, I probably couldn’t pick it out of a lineup full of death, murder and devils.

But this list doesn’t have a bunch of country and metal bands. It mostly stocked with rock and pop, punctuated by some hip-hop, country and genre confused bands and I recognize 8% of this list.

Read the bio statements — there’s the list of influences and usual garbage that every bands does — I don’t begrudge anybody that, even though it’s useless.  What shocked me were the dates referenced.  “We’ve been around since ‘99” or “this band has existed in some form for the last 20 years”… what?

Nope.  Now you’re wrong.  I can accept that I don’t know most of the people making music around town, but you’ve “been around” 10 or 20 years?  Now I’m calling bullshit.

My standards are low.  Really. Really. Low.

But they are standards nonetheless.  If you’re old enough to drink at a bar and your band doesn’t play out — then you aren’t a band.  You’re fooling around with music in the garage.  If you are in high school or college and just playing in the garage, you CAN call yourself a band, because doing so could still impress girls in your age group.  There can also be an exception if you “used to” play in bands if “used to” means in the last year or two and not before your voice changed.

This doesn’t mean you aren’t better than the people who do play shows for 0-25 people like the ‘real’ bands — it just means you’re stupid, antisocial or a pussy.

Call yourself a musician, a guitar player or perhaps even a songwriter – but if you ain’t performing then don’t pretend like you should win a contest where the prize is the chance to perform. Even the stoned hippies and drunken bros and tone-deaf Jack Johnson fans won’t stand for that.

Text posted at 14:23

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