14/08/2009

All this and Andy Rooney

I love football. 

It is the great American sport, perfectly suited to our national demeanor. 

Every play has the potential for great drama, accompanied by the guarantee of intense violence.  Even better, every few seconds the game pauses, which allows both the build up of new anticipation and also allows us to engage in our other great national pastime, staring aimlessly into space.  But of course the pauses also allow us to soak in Dierdorfisms that sound like they kind of got stuck in his moustache on the way out of his mouth, homoerotic Madenisms (HE REALLY STUFFED IT UP IN THERE) and this year the deep wisdom of the greatest evaluator of college talent in the history of the game, Matt Millen.  I look forward to the moment in the middle of this college season, when upon realizing he is on TV, Matt tries to buy a vowel.

But I’m also kind of dreading this season, not because my Wolverines and Lions are going take another spin in the toilet – it’s because I’m just getting a little sick of all the cliché fan blubbering.

I’m sick of the idiot behind me who calls for the backup quarterback on the second play of the first game.  The Cullpepper, Stafford stuff is already getting tiresome and they haven’t even started the preseason.  Also, can sports radio guys stop taking calls from “guy who played a little college ball” and think his home team needs to run it up the gut or blitz a little more – nobody cares dude.

I’m sick of my Michigan brethren who said Carr was too long in the tooth and had to go and then complain about Rich Rod every five seconds.  Rich Rod may wash out of the game as a Michigan failure, but you wanted and new you got new.  Rich Rod was among the best coaches available, with probably the best record and resume of building winning programs.  If you think you were going to get Urban or Les you are an idiot.  They play in the best conference, already have national championships, play on national TV every week and make more money than anyone in the Big Ten.  Remember that if Michigan was the best job in college football, you would have never hired a certain coach from Miami of Ohio – you would have gone and gotten a big name, from a big school instead.  I’m not saying you keep Rich Rod much longer, I’m just saying you can only hire a new coach based on past performance.  The game changes – if you want to see the wishbone, watch ESPN classic.  Further, whining is unbecoming and excuses are unnecessary, if you can’t enjoy the game, watch golf where guys compete to see who fails the least.

I’m also sick of college football is better than the NFL guys.  Don’t get me wrong; college football is great and exciting.  But a lot of that excitement comes from the mistakes of immature players – receivers who cut off their routes, missed assignments, poor execution and extreme mismatches.  You know, the kind of stuff NFL players get cut for. The distinction is also manufactured – because nobody actually has to choose between them.  It’s like that guy who asks you, “Rolling Stones or Beatles?”  STFU.

College football is fun and there is so damn much of it – I love watching some random WAC game where I know nothing about either team – but can we stop dropping the “these kids play with so much more heart than the pros” BS to try and justify that their lack of skill somehow makes the game better?  It’s really not necessary to enjoy the game.

Text posted at 06:00

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