24/09/2009
How to write a story about Detroit
When writing about Detroit it’s important to start at the beginning.
No, not the beginning beginning with Native Americans and French people. Or the beginning after that with lumber barons and streetcars.
The beginning with the stuff everybody already knows about.
-Did you know Detroit has a long standing relationship with American Automotive Manufacturers?
-Did you know those Auto Companies have been experiencing a decline that includes this year’s bankruptcies but also seems to have been occurring in some fashion for almost 50 years?
-White people and black people don’t get along. In the next paragraph mention that black flight is a 30-40 year old phenomenon (paging Mayor Bing) — do not explain how white people and black people who fled to the same suburbs (sometimes) get along (sometimes).
-Assume Coleman Young and Brooks Patterson should be quoted often — everybody loves those two and most of the dead one’s quotes can be cut and paste right from the interwebs.
-There was a riot. It was bad. Then the ‘68 Tigers fixed it. But somehow the city never recovered even though nothing bad happened before that. Also, don’t mention the race riot of 1943 that accelerated the waves of post war white flight and strengthened racist view points among institutions of local political power. That shit wasn’t even on TV and the AP style guide is pretty clear about the one riot rule.
Now transition from history to the present day.
-Devil’s Night Coleman Young Urban Agriculture Diana Ross State-of-the-Art-Stadiums.
-Detroit is poor. Also, much of it is abandoned. I saw a pheasant and a homeless guy and a dog that needed a bath.
-People who live in real cities but use to live in Detroit are sad because the city is shitty. Also, they miss Faygo and Soupy Sales — they may inquire about Hudson’s — the answer will deepen their sadness to the point that only living in an active and thriving community far away will heal their pain.
-Murder. No you don’t understand, like Mad Max shit — seriously murder.
-No schools. Kleptocratic government bares striking resemblance to scavengers who tear copper pipe out of abandon buildings. Although, the later works for a living.
-Alternative energy, artists communes, did we already mention Urban Agriculture? Cuz it’s a great idea… somebody should farm this fertile soil poisoned by 100 years of manufacturing to the point that manufactures are scared to manufacture on it anymore.
-How did we let this happen to the arsenal of democracy? Perhaps there were bombs left over from the war that went off when we busy living the American Dream? Cuz seriously, it looks like bombs were dropped.
-Someone should help Detroit and fix things and diversify the economy and rebuild the infrastructure and create jobs and institute a culture that values education and fosters hope. Oh shit, forgot to mention Flint…. fffffuuuuucccck man. Flint… wow.
-So, ah good luck, my flight out is in an hour and I already used up my column inches with the Coleman quotes. He really like to say mother fucker, like a lot.
Text posted at 12:31
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